I can't watch pbs sober anymore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
