I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
