I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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