I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
