So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how drunk are you?
Several
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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