i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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