Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
