i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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