i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
