nut hugger
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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