i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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