Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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