I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
