I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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