what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
