I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
