It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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