The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
