it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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