Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
