I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
