just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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