If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ttyl tear gas
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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