a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He felt like a one man threesome
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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