i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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