How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
