Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
