I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
