She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
