he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
