I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
