3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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