she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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