im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My cat gives me a boner
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
