I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
