Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
