This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
