Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
