just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
