He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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