I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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