Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
