i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
