I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
