I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
