Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
