3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
