Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
