ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
