And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
