I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
