he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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