I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
